okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
