Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
