The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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