I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
