Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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