I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
