Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
