he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
