so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Enjoy the penises
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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