he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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