he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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