I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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