I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
