I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
