Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
