I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
