so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
