And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
