ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
