party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
