sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
