i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I want to fling myself into the sun
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
