I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
