You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have tasted many bathrooms
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
