im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
