mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
