____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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