i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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