suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
