Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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