oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
