she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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