okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
