He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
