its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
