if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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