So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
