The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
