marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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