And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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