I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
