I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
