people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
