I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
