i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
