are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
