I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
