very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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