i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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