I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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