good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
