I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
