Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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